Friday, October 1, 2010

Body Language and Flirting


Only 7% of our communication is verbal.

38% of it depends on our intonation, or the sound of our voice. For instance: A shaky, uneven voice may suggest that a person is shy, intimidated, or dishonest. A clear, loud voice may indicate that a person is confident.

The largest chunk of communication is body language, which takes up the remaining 55%. These statistics show that a person who knows how to control their body and voice is considered more appealing than someone who knows only a mouthful of pick-up lines and crowd pleasers.
The impression we make on others starts not when we first open our mouth, but with our posture, breathing, appearance, and movement.


Art and Science of Flirting and Body Language

The art of flirting is expressed with actions. And non-verbal communication is more important than words. Although flirting signals are rarely noticed consciously -- the message is always sent across.

This artful dance makes possible for strangers to become comfortable with each other, even at their first exchange of words. People become at ease with others when they find the other person pleasant. People appear pleasant as a result of showing interest in others...

Eye Contact and Triangulation

Our actions (body language) reflect our interest in various ways. In general, these actions manifest by instinct when we are facing people that we admire. For example, in intimate conversation, people usually look at each other's eyes.

Sometimes we shift our vision from one eye to the other, and to the bridge of the nose. This is what is called the triangular formation of vision. As a person becomes more interested in another, this triangular formation extends downward. Some say that it’s rude to look at a stranger’s body, but when you really think about it, people really can’t help it when they feel attracted.
When people are talking to mere acquaintances, they simply look at their eyes, but when people are interested in someone, they tend to notice a lot more than just the eyes and the nose. Also... looking at the someone's mouth can suggest interest in kissing.


We can make others feel comfortable by mirroring or matching their mood. When two people enjoy similar things, they tend to move in sync with each other. This does not mean that every single move they make is exactly the same, but rather that their moods are the same.

Male Flirting Signals:
- hands on belt or belt buckle
- preening / grooming
- stretching

Female Flirting Signals:
- actions that make her appear smaller
- playing with hair
- exposure of neck or inner wrists

General Flirting Signals:
- eye contact
- mirroring
- triangulation
- "accidental" touching

When a person finds something in common with another, an instinctive fondness develops between them. This same effect is replicated by mirroring. In mirroring, you need to tune in to the other person’s movements and imitate them, not mimic them. Also, these actions should not be done in the same pace as his/hers, otherwise, the person might take it instead as mockery. Generally, the mirror actions should be done after 10-20 seconds, and must be done naturally. The other purpose of the mirror actions is to show the other person that you accept and respect their views without them noticing it. In effect, he/she will subconsciously see you as an open-minded person.

Other Flirting Signals

When people are interested in the person they’re talking to, they tend to face the person more. This is also noticeable in a person’s arms and legs. When a person’s attention is completely focused on another, their legs, knees, or feet are always extended in the direction of the other person. Another common signal is the pupils of our eyes. When people like what they see, their pupils increase in size, and tend to blink more. Eyes can blink in sync when looking into the eyes of the person they like.

Male Body Language and Flirting

Aside from general body language, there are also signs specific to males and to females when they show their interest in a potential mate. When a man notices a woman he finds attractive, he may suck in his gut, flex his muscles, and other postures that cause him to appear taller and stronger.
A man shows his readiness to get involved by putting his hands on his hips, or putting his thumbs behind his belt. Most men do this to appear macho and posed, but a commonly unknown fact is that this action also highlights the genital region sending the message:
“I’m virile.”

Men do other things like smoothing their hair, and fixing ties, to make them look their best. Men do these while women are watching to show their interest.

Female Body Language and Flirting

The actions of women, on the other hand, are more subtle but very sexy in the eyes of men. A woman can make a man desire her more by exposing the skin of her neck.
When a woman tosses her hair from one side to the other, the gesture appears more intentional, and is often followed by a well directed intimate gaze.
The same thing goes when a woman exposes the thin skin on her wrist. Both actions appeal to men saying, “I want to show you more.” Women can very well play with men’s minds by doing little things like wiping off their sweat, and fondling with their hair, fingers, and feet.
The most appealing sign a woman can give is to sit with one leg pressed on top of the other. This gesture makes the legs appear very well toned. A hand on the thigh completes the position and is definitely considered a call for the attention.

In summary, whenever people show their interest, an exchange takes place. When a mutual confirmation is established, one of them then makes the first move to approach. Body language makes up a very big part in the first moments of courtship, and may determine if people become more intimate.


  1. Very interesting stuff here :P I have mastered the art of body language.

  2. now ill know if shes interested in me

  3. I knew about most of this, but more info about body language is always appreciated thx

  4. girls also show signs of flirting when they grab your crotch and say "i want this in me."

    just saying.

    haha great article. btw, i love mirroring people. i do it all the time just out of boredom just to see how their attitude towards me will change. i think it seriously works.

  5. Good information! Stuff like body language has always intrigued me

  6. Good information! stuff like this has always intrigued me

  7. good body language tips here =D such deep analysis.

    nice, really. you should check out my chill music post on my music blog.

  8. So much we do that we barely even realize ourselves doing, and even more that we don't understand or noticed.

  9. Well thought out. Lots of good info in there. I find that a confident, steady, even voice works wonders in itself.

  10. Best post ever!!
    But I stoped to think about: actions that make her appear smaller
    Wondering what a woman does to make her appear smaller..

  11. hey, this is one of my more favorite posts from you :)

  12. Great post dude =) Keep'em comming...

  13. true:))
    very nice
    i like it
    supportin !

  14. a lot of useful info in this post!

  15. but I suck at talking with my body/hands.

  16. Matching, mirroring, and anchoring are excellent body language indicators, thanks!

  17. learnin about this in my human communicatoins class... interesting stuff i might add

  18. I'm looking forward to your next post!

  19. Good info! :D Thanks for sharing! Now following & supporting you!

  20. You've got some good creativity in this blog!

  21. Hi! Amigo! I like this kind of stuff you post, I'll follow you!

  22. This is great to know. You should check out my blog. I just got it started.

  23. LOL maybe I can use this to get a girlfriend =p

  24. Completely true read, read it all with my girlfriend and we laughed on most of it.

  25. Useful information. That's why I'm always keeping my thumbs behind my belt.

  26. To those in need this is informative. give my blog a look bro.

  27. hehe on a way to becoming a pro flirter xD

  28. Very interesting information you have here. Too bad women are heartless beasts who thrive on broken hearts. ;_;

  29. its good to think they every girl wants you then just go crazy!

    followed / f5'd :)

  30. Great post!

    looking forward to reading the next one

  31. lulz good post for the basement dwelling bloggers. you know im joking guys, luv u.

  32. good info, but only 7% for the word you say seems like a stretch to me

  33. good follow up post to yesterday's

  34. Thanks for your comments on my blog. Beating Inertia has a new Q&A post!

  35. I forgot to follow you!


  36. I have taken advantage of some of the things you have spoken about to manipulate people. If you know these techniques, you can easily get your way

  37. the comments you left on my last blog post were really helpful :)

  38. I am the assertive type. That doesn't mean I don't lie about stuff once in a while.

  39. Wow this is super interesting! Thanks!

  40. I enjoyed your point of view in this post